


These vices which console me

by caribou121



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Angst, F/F, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 13:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4181538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caribou121/pseuds/caribou121
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angie returns to an familiar method of dealing with things when her restless disposition becomes too much for her to handle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These vices which console me

Wondering aimlessly around the grand house she found herself to now be a resident in, Angie trailed her fingertips along the walls she passed. She was feeling agitated, couldn't sit still. She had always been that way, since she could remember. "Sit still and shut your mouth Angela!" was one of the most common phrases Angie heard from adults when she was younger. She used to put it down to being an energetic kid but then as time passed she could no longer use the excuse and she thought maybe she really did just have a 'nervous disposition' like the docs had told her. 

She sighed and took a deep breath, shifting around the kitchen where she now found herself. She had already cleaned it and done all the dishes. Twice. She glanced over at the clock again, only three hours til Peggy was home this time. She briefly thought about looking over some scripts but she couldn't concentrate long enough to get through even a page without feeling the itch to move. She moved her tapping fingers from the counter to her bag, searching for the cigarettes she kept there. Her singing teacher had told her she should try not to smoke so much but she needed to, needed something to occupy her hands with. So she opened the patio doors at the back of the house and sat smoking through two cigarettes, her knee bouncing and hand fixing her hair. Should she have a third? No. She had to keep her voice good for her audition tomorrow. 

Angie made her way back to the kitchen, it was at the centre of the house so she always seemed to find herself there. Besides it was where she felt most comfortable. Maybe she could start cooking dinner? It was still a little early though. She could go through some of her old routines to tire herself a little maybe but she was so bored of doing that. Somehow Angie had become more restless since she moved in here, she realised. Must be she's not used to it yet, it wasn't as bad when Peggy was there though. When was Peggy back again? Right, two hours forty minutes. Angie watched the seconds hand until it reached twelve and decided maybe she should reorganise the cupboards. She had did it a few weeks ago but it couldn't hurt to make sure everything was in place. Opening and closing each of the doors she came across the cupboard at the inside corner of the room, where Peggy kept the first aid kit and a bunch of medicines. Then she caught sight of something that made her heart lurch forward in her chest. Cough syrup, when had Peggy bought that? She said she never got sick. Angie knew she should close the door and continue taking a mental inventory but her hand had reached for the bottle before she could stop herself. 

Rolling it over in her palm she traced her finger down the ingredients list; 

Best opium 1/2 dr.  
dissolve it in about 2 tablespoons of boiling water  
then add benzoic acid 1/2 dr.  
oil of anise 1/2 a fluid dr.  
clarified honey 1 oz.  
camphor gum 1 scruple  
alcohol, 76 percent, 11 fluid ozs.  
distilled water 4-1/2 fluid ozs.

Angie cringed at how her mind told her the next ingredient before she had started reading it, the list ingrained in her mind. But she had stopped that a long time ago. Had no need for it anymore. Although it would put her at ease a little at least and she had been particularly antsy today. Just a few drops wouldn't hurt right? She turned the bottle over in her hands a few times, still crouching where she had taken it out of the cupboard. Just a teaspoon, it would help her relax until Peggy got home. Then she'd be fine, besides it would help her voice for tomorrow. Having convinced herself thoroughly enough she stood, moving to the drawer where the teaspoons were kept. She poured out the thick syrup onto the cold metal and stared at it for a few seconds before slipping the spoon into her mouth. Angie revelled in the familiar taste hitting her tongue and pulled the spoon out slowly, making sure to lick it clean before washing it and putting it back. She placed the cap back on the bottle and put it back, closing the cupboard door. As she stood she felt lighter somehow, maybe she could get to those scripts now. 

 

The audition hadn't gone badly but it hadn't exactly gone well either. And now Angie was sitting in the lounge, Peggy still at work and nobody to talk it over with. She flicked through the magazine she had been reading but honestly she wasn't taking much in at this point. She kept herself busy for an hour or so somehow before relenting to the niggling thought in the back of her mind and returning to the kitchen. She was methodical this time, no hesitancy or time to deliberate with herself. Swift in her movements she poured the liquid onto the teaspoon and gulped it down. Then faltered in her movements, pouring a little more of the syrup out onto her finger before placing it into her mouth. Satisfied with her reasoning that it 'didn't count' Angie sucked her finger clean and cleared up the things on the counter. 

 

A week later and Angie had developed somewhat of a routine, the days she didn't have an audition (most days) and the days Peggy was at work (every day). She would wait until 1 o'clock, flitting around the house doing menial chores and then have her dose and retire to the biggest sitting room where the sound carried to read and practise lines. Maybe have a cigarette every half hour or so. Then Peggy would come home and they'd have dinner and talk for a few hours. Peggy usually had work she brought home though so Angie put music on and read some more, trying not to scratch her growing itch to return to the kitchen again. Angie was as content as she had been in a long time and didn't mind the days so much now. 

Some nights Peggy would sit with her and they would have a few drinks together at night, laughing and sharing stories, trading furtive glances over the top of glasses and sitting too close to one another. Which was how Angie found herself downstairs one morning, looking at a glass of whiskey she had left almost untouched last night. She should clean that up at some point, she thought, but first breakfast. Angie had slept in late on account of being slightly hungover so it was already 12 by the time she'd eaten. Peggy had been up at 6.30 sharp, no doubt, and already left for work. Angie headed out back for her morning cigarette. "Angie, how many do you smoke of those a day?" Peggy had asked her tentatively a few days ago. She had lied, said only one or two, sometimes more if she went out for drinks. She wasn't sure why she had lied entirely, not to Peggy but she had nonetheless. Maybe they didn't smoke so much in England Angie thought to herself, she thought it odd that Peggy didn't even when she was drinking.  
She checked her wristwatch and saw that it was 12.15. Not too early, was it? She toyed with the idea for a few minutes and paced languidly. Then, noticing the nature of her movements she decided against it. She didn't need it, she wasn't all that anxious at the moment. So why then did she find herself sparking another match for a second cigarette? Angie sat, sighing and bringing her chin to rest in her hand. What was she doing? She was being stupid, letting herself get back into this habit. Really it just put her more on edge but it kept her mind occupied and she needed something to do that otherwise it tended to fixate on one thing only - Peggy. At that she rose and headed towards the kitchen with renewed determination, throwing her cigarette behind her onto the ground outside. 

When she tipped the bottle towards the spoon, however, she found there was only enough for one spoonful. That wouldn't do, she was taking three now. Suddenly panicked by both the thought that she had managed to finish the entire bottle in under 3 weeks and also that she had now ran out Angie looked around not sure what to do with the full spoon she now held in her hand. Then she remembered the drink from earlier, how did she forget that? She hurried to the lounge where her and Peggy had been last night and reached for the drink, stirring the teaspoon into it. She cleaned the spoon first and then sipped some of the drink, relaxing as soon as it eased down her throat. Then deciding she had to go and buy some more straight away downed the rest of it. Angie managed to grab her coat, hazily apply some lipstick and pick up her bag before reaching for the door handle a few times and twisting the door open to leave. 

 

A few weeks passed, Angie's routine remained the same with the addition of a drink or two in the afternoons. But she was always sobered up before Peggy got home and had dinner ready. She had been careless once, fallen asleep and left a tumbler on the table next to her but the bottle was hidden safely away so Peggy never asked any questions. Angie felt guilty that she was keeping something from Peggy, she really did but it also gave some sort of weird thrill. That she could keep a secret from a super spy. Angie knew it wasn't a problem though, it wasn't like how it used to be. She didn't need it, it was a choice. One she could stop making any time she wanted to. Not like she had anything better to do anyways and she was still attending all of her auditions, she even had a call back for next week. Everything was going well for her now but she couldn't help notice the feeling of emptiness that was intent on bothering her. She didn't feel it when Peggy was around, Peggy was far better than anything else at making the feeling subside. But Peggy wasn't always there and it was then that Angie felt it necessary to reach for other vices to put herself at ease.


End file.
